bitter-girl :: musings

A little while ago on Metafilter, there was a post about Alanis Morrissette’s cover of “My Humps” (yes, you read that correctly), which spawned the now-infamous line “HI I’M ON METAFILTER AND I COULD OVERTHINK A PLATE OF BEANS.”

Well, there’s been a lot of bean-overthinking on the internets lately. Some of it exceedingly contrived (remarked Heather on reading the previous link: “what does he think this is, Pitchfork?”) and some of it quite good.

This, though, has me rethinking my position on cardigans as The Greatest Thing Ever. That guy’s about one step away from “it puts the lotion in the basket.”

And now, on a more serious note. CLEVELAND, YOU SUCK. SERIOUSLY. Here’s why. Do you realize how incredibly angry this makes me? Two little punks walk up onto my property and try to rob me with a gun? You better believe I’m taking a shot at them. And if I thought quickly enough, I’d probably shoot off their testicles so they couldn’t reproduce. What I really love is the thought patterns at work here in the city. Jerk gets killed while doing jerk-like things? Hold a candlelight vigil for him instead of supporting the guy who successfully defended himself. From the Cleveland Plain Dealer’s web arm, cleveland.com (bold mine):

Outside Wells’ home Tuesday night, a crowd of about 50 people gathered to mourn Arthur “Ace Boogie” Buford, whom Wells killed during the attempted robbery.

Vigil organizers called for young men to turn away from violence and from turning on each other. They called on those present not to be poisoned by rap music that promotes violence and not to support music companies that produce that music.

Near Wells’ home, a utility pole has become a makeshift shrine where sympathizers are leaving stuffed animals, notes and balloons.

Most of those gathering there are teenagers, and they are angry, shocked and sad. They say that no matter what police and court officials say, Buford never did anything wrong.

They don’t care that Cleveland prosecutors said the shooting appears to have happened in self-defense. They want justice.

Buford was on probation for robbery, said Lt. Thomas Stacho, police spokesman. He had robbed a couple of guys just five blocks away from Wells’ house in August 2006.

“No matter what police and court officials say, Buford never did anything wrong”?!?

To sum up: this junior asshole, who was already on probation at the age of 15, tried to rob a man on his own front porch with a gun — but he picked the wrong person to rob, got shot instead and died. Of course, we have to throw in the tired “kids, don’t listen to rap music” trope, too. I hear that Eazy-E reached out from beyond the grave to send a message to Buford’s pager that read “Go rob Damon Wells at gunpoint.” Oh wait, maybe that was my imagination. So hard to tell when reading the news in Cleveland.

And of course the kid’s family is all upset — his cousin Tameka Foster “questioned the decision against prosecuting the shooter” in a news story copied into this comment thread. She went on to say: “They let that man run out freely,” Foster said. “My cousin is dead.”

Your cousin is dead because the little fuckup tried to rob someone at gunpoint and got exactly what he deserved! Ring ring! clue phone, it’s for you, Tameka! Your family let your cousin “run out freely” with a gun. Whose fault is that?

Toby Hoover, director of the Toledo-based Ohio Coalition Against Gun Violence, questioned whether shooting Buford was the only option.

‘We have a 15-year-old kid here,’ Hoover said. ‘Was he doing something wrong here? It sounds like it. Is the first resort to shoot?’

It sounds like it? Get a grip, you moron. Personally, I think pulling a gun on someone constitutes “doing something wrong.” And as far as I’m concerned, he was not only fully justified in shooting the little bastard, I’m sad he didn’t get his accomplice, too.